CoH Writer's Guild

[Spark's]

here's part three kids. i hope you like it. i was up form 11 PM to 2 AM writing this and making sure it sounded right and dramatic. I really hope you like it. please send replies here.

[mrguy08]

Well you did a good job of making the tale take on a decidedly darker tone here. The part at the end is pretty cool with Kenny screaming to the Heavens all the heroes coming to him and "The Oath of Blood and Thunder." Man, that just sounds cool.

[Spark's]

thanks. it just came to me while i was beating down some Skulls in Kings Row when i fried one of them. I was trying to think of a title ad it just popped in there.

[Guest]

Your narrated story is fun to read. The narrators asides are fun and break the tension a bit (which is good.)
I'm going to give my thoughts on scripted diologue once again... I'm really against it unless you are writing an actual script. You break up action by stopping the narrative and making it a script.
When Uncle Pat is screaming about nancy boys (which I loved the idea of calling a firefighter a nancy boy by the way)

Try this on:
I watched them fight and then I heard a familiar voice; that of my Uncle Pat in an authentic Irish rage.
"LET ME IN THERE, YA DAMN NANCY BOY!"

this is a simple example of how you can let the reader know in no uncertain terms who is talking without breaking up the action. There is a place for scripted diologue, but in my opinion it is only in a script. Personally I don't like reading scripts, I'd rather see it acted out.

[Spark's]

good critisism. i'll use it.