cohwritersreview Forum Index -> What's Happening Now

View previous topic :: View next topic

Remnants of a Flame (preview)

Which one do you think is better and/or would like to see more about Creeden Chronicles  33%  [ 1 ] None..  0%  [ 0 ] Remnants of a Flame  66%  [ 2 ] Total Votes : 3
Author	Message
Riotmech Class 100 Hero Joined: 27 Aug 2006 Posts: 148 Location: Home, staring at a blank screen	Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 6:58 am    Post subject: Remnants of a Flame (preview)   hey guys!! look i'm writting this story along with Aven n' i just wanted to know what you thought about before i continue..... The name's Remnants of a Flame and its about this guy called Leif who's from another dimension....hope you like it! Remnants of a flame: Other Worlds Blade through flesh and bone, flame through skin and thought. Surrounded by the demons called only by the name of Creeden, the only things that kept him safe from eternal torment were the Blade of Freya and the Flame of Heimdall. His name was Leif a young warrior of the Edda tribe, a community which only devoted themselves to the protection of the gods and their right to be. The green flame which engulfed his right hand lighted green his hazel brown hair, his eyes burned in yellow with the heat of battle and rage which brew within him made him stronger than the demons. But his strength and powers could not make up for the lack in numbers, this was now a war of one to thousands. Every member of his tribe including his father the tribe’s elder were slaughtered by the Creeden on the night of his 20th birthday the day he would become the Flame Bearer. The Flame Bearer was normally the one who every year for the rest of his life would carry the Flame of Heimdall the Watcher to the temple of Odin, end then there he would proceed with the ceremony of Ragnarok, but now, it mean’t only revenge and death. As Leif swung his blade a demon fell and as quickly as one died two more covered his spot, he was tired and outnumbered but he couldn’t give in, he had to fight, he had to avenge his people. Concentrating as hard as he could Leif channelled every ounce of pain and anger to the Flame of Heimdall in order to create a barrier between him and the Creeden, when the power was unleashed from his right hand flowed a curtain of green blazes and every demon which touched those flames would be instantly incinerated. - Hah! I can see that you filthy rotten demons cannot withstand the might of the gods! - Shouted Leif mocking the Creeden with a grin in his face- Perhaps I should go easy on you sissies, since I can perceive that you are no match for my powers! He was wrong… coming through the blazing curtain was a huge demon, a pair of red horns sprung out of his forehead, his face and body completely shrouded by dirty cloth bandages as if it were a mummy. The only things the bandages let through to sight were his eyes. Those eyes. He had seen them before. Yes, back at his tribe’s massacre, He was the one responsible for it. He was the one who murdered his brethren. – You!? – Growled Leif as he sighted the horned demon – You were the one who murdered my brothers and sisters!! How can you live with yourself? How can you live with the screams of everyone you have killed filling every corner of your mind?! – The demon only smiled as he heard the young warriors words – Hum..Hum..AhHAHAAH!! Pitiful mortal!! Do you think I care about whom I have killed? – Shouted the demon at Leif grinning loudly - Do you think that those screams bother me? I feed upon them! Every Creeden knows that when we kill someone their life essence joins our own! Making us the most powerful race to ever be!! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!! – As the demon’s words filled Leif’s mind he felt his humanity slip away, the anger and hate towards the Creeden and that horned demon were too intense, so intense that his power seemed to increase as those feelings grew. As the anger and hate started to sink deeply, he could feel his vision becoming blurry, his mouth starting to foam with rage, his muscles tightening and flexing, and for the last time he saw his lands sky. It wasn’t as he remembered, it wasn’t that blue pure sky, with the occasional white cut of a cloud. It was a monstrosity, red and orange now raped the very purity of the sky, thick clouds of black smoke rising from the earth hiding any evidence of sunlight. This wasn’t the sky he loved, this wasn’t the sky to which he gazed upon to slip away from bitter life. This was a sky of death and darkness, this was a sky which would be burned in his mind for all of eternity, so that he may never forget why he is who he is. I am the Horned Demon of Eternal Death Last edited by Riotmech on Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:36 am; edited 2 times in total _________________ -[ ]- Your so sad, maybe you should buy a Happy Meal -[]-
Back to top
mrguy08 Class 100 Hero Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 223 Location: South Mississippi	Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 9:26 am    Post subject:   Some pretty intense stuff right there. Just remember that crafting your own world and the like has to draw into CoH in some way.
Back to top
RoboZon Man of Steel Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 276 Location: cloud 10 (forget cloud 9 it sucks)	Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 11:34 am    Post subject:   yea mr is right the story is very captivating and i really like the emphasses on mysterious details but in some way you need to start transfering it over to CoH _________________ "Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can." -bruce lee Eli J. Litzelman aka RoboZon
Back to top
Riotmech Class 100 Hero Joined: 27 Aug 2006 Posts: 148 Location: Home, staring at a blank screen	Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:32 am    Post subject:   Hey again! So, you've read the story above and i'm still working on it since the reviewed and better written version got wiped in the great crash of 2007 (my PC that is). Well I got this crazy idea the other day about doing a poll for two different stories which star the Creeden as the really bad guys, well the first choice you see above: Remnants of a Flame, and I know that at first this one doesnt really fit in on the Whole CoX world but remmeber its still just a preview, like an introduction, thanks! The second one I'm going to copy paste below which is: The Creeden Chronicles: Past Present They first appeared in the year 2022. On that day no one expected such a catastrophic event to happen, in the sunset it happened, just like in the Rikti Invasion green dots started popping up here and there, some smaller some larger, some above some on ground, this time heroes were prepared, for the Rikti, but unfortunately for them and for us, the Rikti had already been wiped out, by the same extra-dimensional beings which too almost wiped us out from our very own world. In a very few short hours almost 80% of the world wide Hero and Villain population had been wiped out, I was one of the very unlucky survivors, thanks to my now disabled tech armor I survived for three days under my home in Steel Canyon, my name is Sunji Makuta, or if you prefer it Cpt. Killswitch. It’s been 20 years since their attack and 19 since our defeat. After that final battle where all the capable leaders, hero and villain alike, were murdered. All groups merged into coalitions and found safety underground. The Super-Group I belonged to was once named the Dawn League but after the invasion, it split up, every single one of us going their own separate ways, later on I joined another group, a resistance group called the Elemen. It is the combined force of the last Circle of Thorns, a few Devouring Earth ex-members, some Rogue Island villains and even some Rikti! Yes, after the devastation everyone forgot about their rivalries and joined together so that they may survive to see another day. But our survival may be in jeopardy, as we speak a traitor who once I thought to be my best friend and the greatest hero of all times, is coming, and at his back a sizeable force of Creeden soldiers follow, their direction? Our base, Orenbanga. Their intentions? Murder. Thanks and vote! If you want I'll post an explanation about the two different stories, thanks again. P.S. I very much would like your opinion so that I may improve the most voted storie and the other one too. _________________ -[ ]- Your so sad, maybe you should buy a Happy Meal -[]-
Back to top
Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 2:15 am    Post subject:   M-M-M-Mrguy!!!!! Where you been dude _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
Back to top
fixit God-like Powers Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 605 Location: Utah	Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:05 pm    Post subject:   I like the story thus far, and can see several ways in which to tie in. I remember when I put in the first part of Time Out of Mind, it didn't seem very CoX to most people... but ti was going somewhere. So I think I see where you are going. _________________ Consider it fixed!
Back to top
Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First

	cohwritersreview Forum Index -> What's Happening Now	All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

Jump to: Select a forum ANNOUNCEMENTS----------------What's Happening Now GENERAL DISCUSSION----------------Tips, Tricks and Ideas ART----------------Review Artwork NEW, CONTINUING AND UNFINISHED STORIES----------------150 Meters to the GroundAll Ties SeveredThe Agent, The Rift and The WardrobeAqua AuraAsh & LiesAvenAwakening to a NightmareBattlefieldsBirth of a BeaterBound No MoreCerratedThe Chronicles of Lady Reaver (UNCLASSIFIED)ClarityCoH VigilantesThe Cold NightThe Company of DragonsCompliments of the Purple ChickCrossoverCyberforce: A Hero's JourneyDark FlowerDark OmensDark Twin ChroniclesDarkness AriseA Day in the LifeDead and BuriedThe Dead of NightDemon GunThe Doughnut ShopEqually MatchedEvening Star's BlogEvery Rose Has Its ThornThe Evolution of a HeroFaith, Hope, and a Few Unlikely SuperpowersFalling SkyFather of StormsFighting Crime One Outfit at a TimeFinal BattleFire and ShadowFlareback and FamilyThe Force of Ten SagaFrom Here to Paragon CityFuture TenseHeart of StoneA Hero's HeroA Hero's TearsHidden IntentsHistoricIn Pursuit of EveIntroducing IndigoInvasion: NoirA Journal of a Mysterious RebelJust a DreamJust Another Lone WolfKozmic Kat's & Kozmic Fire's BackgroundThe Kozmic TalesLife of a Hero/VillainA Life UnrelentingMoonwolf: Shadow and CloudThe Mother Red ChroniclesMurderous RageMy Own Little BackwaterNemesisA New LeafNew VoltageNot the VillainAn Oath of Blood and ThunderOf JudasAn Ominous Shadow CastingOmnisourseOrigin: A Horror StoryOrpheus and Eurydice Ver. 2.0.Phoenix BornPieces of EightPower GivenPresumption of HeroismRampager's StoryThe RebirthReflection on ShadowRunawaysSantuarySaving GraceSaving Officer WincottShadow AlliancesShadows of the LeagueThe Shadowyn ChroniclesSilence of the MindThe SleepingSparks FlySpecial EducationThe Spider's LaughStrikerThe Sum of Your PartsTapestryA Tarnished MindTo Kill a GodTo the Victor...Too Close to the SunTricks That Overcame the CircleUnder the TableUnforeseenVengeance by MoonlightA Walk in the ParkWhat's in a Name?Wilder Than It SeemsWinds of a New BeginningWorlds of ConfusionYoung PhalanxYou're a Hero... COMPLETED STORIES----------------Post your reviewsThe Captain Conduit SagaChildren of MuThe Earth GuardianEmergenceFrom the AshesHardhatsHell Hath No Fury Like MeHeroic History LessonHypertypes Interview #137InterludeKeen InsightLife and Death and the Girl with the ScarfThe ListLove HurtsNot the HeroNot Revenge, A ReckoningThe Obsidian BlightOf Pain and HateQZ-RM1ARecurrence: The Return of the HeroReturn to DarknessRight Time, Wrong PlaceThe RowSiren's is CallingThe Skulls Strike BackStar Trek Saved My Life TonightStatic MarkA Stitch in TimeSupernatural Assault UnitThree Cheers for Sweet RevengeTime Out of MindTitianaTour of DutyTrapped in Dark AstoriaUnder the HoodVillains: A Top Ten ComicVoltechWayward SonWhere Storms BeginWoe's ChildYellowjakket    You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum