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part 17

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RoboZon Man of Steel Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 276 Location: cloud 10 (forget cloud 9 it sucks)	Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:00 pm    Post subject: part 17   i like how everything is coming out on this story it should make it very interesting obviously theres more at play than we can see and obviously this should come together very well the only critisisim i have is that a few times i noticed to many commas in a sentice or sometimes no commas where there should be... which i can completely understand i absolutly HATE commas but otherwise it reads really well another thing i like about this story though is where you explane or analise a situation it puts a little more prespective on a story and you have a great talent for writing like that oh yea and i love how the last line of the story is "Chocolate!" _________________ "Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can." -bruce lee Eli J. Litzelman aka RoboZon
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pastarican Class 100 Hero Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 221 Location: Ohio	Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 5:28 pm    Post subject:   Any time Lab Experiment shows up, it's gonna be a good scene... I have one question. How in the world do you keep track of everything and everyone? -M-
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Voyager Class 100 Hero Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 130	Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 11:38 pm    Post subject:   pastarican wrote: Any time Lab Experiment shows up, it's gonna be a good scene... I have one question. How in the world do you keep track of everything and everyone? -M- It's a movie playing in my head, also helps that all the characters are related to peple I know. Truth be told though, I saw the ending well before I wrote the first line, the real story was how to get to it. Oh, I apologise for the commas, they are difficult to dismiss or not.
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Tropic Site Admin Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 308 Location: Florida	Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:42 am    Post subject:   Ah yes...you sound like me, Mr. Voyager!! I know what the end is but getting there kills me. I want to go from A to B but as I write I find that B has changed to C then D then E...well you get the idea! Trop
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Voyager Class 100 Hero Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 130	Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 1:50 am    Post subject:   Tropic wrote: Ah yes...you sound like me, Mr. Voyager!! I know what the end is but getting there kills me. I want to go from A to B but as I write I find that B has changed to C then D then E...well you get the idea! Trop Yah, my headache and also my perminent subscription to Tylenol Weekly leads me to believe, I understand what you say
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