cohwritersreview Forum Index -> Dark Twin Chronicles

View previous topic :: View next topic

Taste of Blood Part 4

Author	Message
Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 11:44 pm    Post subject: Taste of Blood Part 4   OHH MY GOODNESS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT The final chapter in Tast of Blood has been submitted. I would like to say it was worth the wait but it would have to be one freakin awsome chapter to have waited three months or so for. Luckily the next story in the Dark Twin Chronicles is a one shot and is already written and ready for submission next week. So there will be no drawn out period in which to forget the entire story before that one is finished . I hope you guys do enjoy this one. It was extremely difficult for me to write becuase virtualy the entire thing is conflict and I found it very hard to perpetuate the story under those circumstances. Still I was going for an epic and drawn out fight to to lead up to the demise of the infamous Bloodlust and if I was able to accomplish that then I will consider it time well spent. _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
Back to top
Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 6:34 am    Post subject:   Hey 'M' I was just reviewing the new works and figured I'd chime in on this one. Thanks 'W', thats cool of you. What'd you think? Ahhh, it was OK. Glad to see that dude finaly got what he deserved for ruining those kids lives. Could have used a little more emotional content though. And what it was really missing was fishisses. 'Fishisses'? Yes, nice juicey fish, my precious -KGOLUMMM- KGOLUMM-. Damnit, and the elves said I would be cured. Curse them _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
Back to top
pastarican Class 100 Hero Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 221 Location: Ohio	Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 9:32 am    Post subject:   Talking to ourselves, are we? I know a great therapist....my treat. Sorry I didn't post anything sooner. Action filled! Blood! Guts! A thoroughly reprehensible villain! Death! More Death! Not a lot of exposition, but a well-written action piece nonetheless. Now that they've defeated their nemesis, what will they do? (Kind of important, esp. if they've fixated on Bloodlust all these years. By the way, cool villain name!) -M-
Back to top
J D Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 2	Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 10:05 am    Post subject: Dark Twin Chronicles - Ch 4   I like this story, but it almost seems a stand-alone in design. The emotional content for the characters is well-done, and the fight scenes are detailed. My only complaint is that at times it was hard to follow between the two distinct fights that were going on, and that may be me more than your writing as I have not read the other parts of this story to get used to your style. Nice writeup.
Back to top
PhoenixHawk Man of Steel Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 442 Location: as if anyone really gives a crap	Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:24 pm    Post subject:   Stand by... reading....
Back to top
Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 11:53 pm    Post subject:   Thanks much fellas. I apreciate the comments and compliments. You know Pastarican, Volt said something along the same lines about there not being alot of exposition. My goal was to build up with the three previous chapters so that this one could simply be THE FIGHT. I guess since I posted the other chapters so long ago it kinda defeats the purpose though huh? Oh well, live and learn. Thank you as well J D. I like for each of my stories to be written with enough detail and background to where someone like yourself, who has never heard of the characters before, can come in mid story and get a descent feal for what is going on. The next story in the Dark Twin Chronicles is already written Past, and will be submitted today. The twins are going to try and start there lives anew and maybee find a little redemption for there uncontemporary ways. We'll see how well they do. I have three more stories to write in the DTC before I am caught up with current time and projects. Hopefully none will take as long for me to complete as this one . Waiting patiently PH _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
Back to top
Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 10:33 am    Post subject:   I went back and reread the story with your comment in mind J D, about it being dificult to tell the difference between the two fights. I can kind of see where that might be, especialy for someone not familiar with the characters. I was told a few times when I first started writing that it was hard to keep Myth and Wraith seperate in my readers minds, and to be honest I kind of like it that way. They are twins and their powers are very similar so sort of a by product of that is that they would be difficult to tell apart until you get to know them, not unlike real twins. Since the majority of the shifts in scenes occor with me going from describing one of the twins to the other I can see where that may add some confusion. I think the only one that I did not do that in was going from describing Anarchys actions (a scrapper) to describing Wraiths actions (a scrapper) so that is little better. A lesson learned for future works. Be attentive to how I transition my scenes. I think some refernce to the distance between the battles would have been a great help there. Thanks for poitning it out _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
Back to top
PhoenixHawk Man of Steel Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 442 Location: as if anyone really gives a crap	Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 1:45 pm    Post subject:   Good wrap up. I liked the way you wrote the team's reaction to Valdien's sacrifice, it felt real. So did Wraith's reaction to Bloodlust calling him by his birth-name. I don't think it was hard to follow the two fights as much...it was very typical in that the action was drawn out. This genre is, in essence, built around action sequences; it has to be, it's based upon an action/rpg video game. We know the characters we created through action in game, so that's how they have come to be expressed. It's hard to write in this genre and not have long, descriptive fights. Anyway, good job! D
Back to top
Vindea Policeman Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 44	Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 5:27 pm    Post subject:   Great editing, Vindea! You rock! I figured if the Man could do it, so could I. Regards, Vindea
Back to top
Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 10:31 pm    Post subject:   Thanks, PH This will probably be the longest fight I ever right. Both the stories I am wroking on now are far more plot driven and I am enjoying writing them soooo much more that way. Glad you liked the Valdien scene, I thought it was one fo the strong points. And yes, for those of you who don't know. Vindea is my editor in chief. She saves you guys from sooo many miss-spelligns and uses of ppor grammer it isn't funny. Starting after next weeks submission her name will even be on the stories so as to give her apropriate credit. Thank you very much wifey She needs to finsh her own story though _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
Back to top
Ockham Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 877 Location: I give a crap!	Posted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 3:18 pm    Post subject:   Good editing and writing. Dare I say this is the best you have written so far. Guess I did. All was good. The emotion, the fights, I could picture them all. I feel any confusions from the fight scenes were more from the brevity of the over length of the story versus the same appearing in a novel. I followed along fine, but chapters can easily define the different fights, Dragonlance coming to mind. Since this is a shorter format the extra space between paragraphs I think served the same purpose. One of the foils of short stories I guess. I also like the trend of heroes paying the ultimate sacrifice that has popped up over the last year. If the COH Writer's Guild were to have a theme for 2006 that might be it. I think it adds depth from a 2D game we all love to play. Excellent. _________________ Need a break from COH Fan Fiction? Try www.AnthonyHarte.com A Sci-Fi Fantasy Source.
Back to top
Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:20 am    Post subject:   A review well worth the wait Ock. Thanks _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
Back to top
Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First

	cohwritersreview Forum Index -> Dark Twin Chronicles	All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

Jump to: Select a forum ANNOUNCEMENTS----------------What's Happening Now GENERAL DISCUSSION----------------Tips, Tricks and Ideas ART----------------Review Artwork NEW, CONTINUING AND UNFINISHED STORIES----------------150 Meters to the GroundAll Ties SeveredThe Agent, The Rift and The WardrobeAqua AuraAsh & LiesAvenAwakening to a NightmareBattlefieldsBirth of a BeaterBound No MoreCerratedThe Chronicles of Lady Reaver (UNCLASSIFIED)ClarityCoH VigilantesThe Cold NightThe Company of DragonsCompliments of the Purple ChickCrossoverCyberforce: A Hero's JourneyDark FlowerDark OmensDark Twin ChroniclesDarkness AriseA Day in the LifeDead and BuriedThe Dead of NightDemon GunThe Doughnut ShopEqually MatchedEvening Star's BlogEvery Rose Has Its ThornThe Evolution of a HeroFaith, Hope, and a Few Unlikely SuperpowersFalling SkyFather of StormsFighting Crime One Outfit at a TimeFinal BattleFire and ShadowFlareback and FamilyThe Force of Ten SagaFrom Here to Paragon CityFuture TenseHeart of StoneA Hero's HeroA Hero's TearsHidden IntentsHistoricIn Pursuit of EveIntroducing IndigoInvasion: NoirA Journal of a Mysterious RebelJust a DreamJust Another Lone WolfKozmic Kat's & Kozmic Fire's BackgroundThe Kozmic TalesLife of a Hero/VillainA Life UnrelentingMoonwolf: Shadow and CloudThe Mother Red ChroniclesMurderous RageMy Own Little BackwaterNemesisA New LeafNew VoltageNot the VillainAn Oath of Blood and ThunderOf JudasAn Ominous Shadow CastingOmnisourseOrigin: A Horror StoryOrpheus and Eurydice Ver. 2.0.Phoenix BornPieces of EightPower GivenPresumption of HeroismRampager's StoryThe RebirthReflection on ShadowRunawaysSantuarySaving GraceSaving Officer WincottShadow AlliancesShadows of the LeagueThe Shadowyn ChroniclesSilence of the MindThe SleepingSparks FlySpecial EducationThe Spider's LaughStrikerThe Sum of Your PartsTapestryA Tarnished MindTo Kill a GodTo the Victor...Too Close to the SunTricks That Overcame the CircleUnder the TableUnforeseenVengeance by MoonlightA Walk in the ParkWhat's in a Name?Wilder Than It SeemsWinds of a New BeginningWorlds of ConfusionYoung PhalanxYou're a Hero... COMPLETED STORIES----------------Post your reviewsThe Captain Conduit SagaChildren of MuThe Earth GuardianEmergenceFrom the AshesHardhatsHell Hath No Fury Like MeHeroic History LessonHypertypes Interview #137InterludeKeen InsightLife and Death and the Girl with the ScarfThe ListLove HurtsNot the HeroNot Revenge, A ReckoningThe Obsidian BlightOf Pain and HateQZ-RM1ARecurrence: The Return of the HeroReturn to DarknessRight Time, Wrong PlaceThe RowSiren's is CallingThe Skulls Strike BackStar Trek Saved My Life TonightStatic MarkA Stitch in TimeSupernatural Assault UnitThree Cheers for Sweet RevengeTime Out of MindTitianaTour of DutyTrapped in Dark AstoriaUnder the HoodVillains: A Top Ten ComicVoltechWayward SonWhere Storms BeginWoe's ChildYellowjakket    You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum