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Part 13

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Voyager Class 100 Hero Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 130	Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:24 am    Post subject: Part 13   AS i have stated earlier this week, part 13 is the best piece of crap I think I have written. I would appreciate some feed backs to it. It stands alone if you never bothered to read the entire story, and if by any chance you did, well it explains a lot of unanswered questions. Thank you.
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PhoenixHawk Man of Steel Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 442 Location: as if anyone really gives a crap	Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 12:56 pm    Post subject:   ok...define "Best piece of crap"... best I get...piece of crap? Not in the least. As when I wrote At the Seams, I see this as a compelling piece that is based NOT in action, but in the characters and storyline underneath. First and foremost, though, your dissertation at the beginning is excellent. There is truth and sentiment in it that brings an emotional response. Reading it encompasses far more than just your story, but brings into elements the whole universe that we have built here. Quote: That the heroes die, a tragedy, should they come back, a victory celebrated with a pat on the shoulder, a badge and a picture on page three or four of the Paragon Times, next to the daily coupons of the meat market. Why, when you ask this to yourself, should this go on? This made me think of Tropic's ongoing story, and this was solidified more a little further on. Quote: Why, easily answered by our families, friends, neighbours, the love we feel and cherish for ourselves through them. But, only those that make it home, those that prevail matter. As for the rest, a sad, very sad loss indeed, which will be expressed by a flower crown for the burial, if the hero was well known, a city’s representative or dignitary present for the big send off. I can't help my self-centeredness and think of the struggles of my own characters at this. I know you probably didn't even consider, or maybe you did and that's why you wrote it, the full scope of this, how it would delve into the whole of the CoH universe that we have expanded here, but it encompassed a great deal. I, for my part, LOVE THAT. I think it is one of the coolest things about the stories and arcs here that is starting to develop, more and more as days pass... the interaction of storylines and histories that touch other characters even if they are never mentioned. It goes so far beyond just a game experience that I can't even come up with the right words for how cool it is. I don't think I have to say much about your style or writing ability...we all have little things that could be tweaked by an outside observer, but you have such a big following, enough people gushing over your work here and on the CoH boards, that I think it's been said enough times that you have talent. I know you've said dozens of times that you feel trapped in 150 Meters, but I see it more as the on-going story of Voyager and those around him, not a never-ending single story. Much like the Onami stories, it is serial, and perhaps will continue in peoples minds even after you stop writing them. When/if you do stop writing them, I can't help but say you should honestly consider writing something else, maybe in another genre, and consider finding an agent or publisher you could submit it to. Just make sure it has a full storyline (ie an ending so you can tie it up in a book). D
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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 848 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:39 pm    Post subject:   First off, Yes, this is one of your best peices man. Hands down. For many reasons. D is beating me to the punch on all my reviews this week but let me say again, your opening disertation was truely exceptional. Quote: Will heroes sometime falter, trip over themselves, be mistaken for the very fiend they fight? The answer is yes, it happens to most of them, at one point or another they have the urge, the desire, to let it happen. To stare straight down into the bottomless pit that we call evil, and look for the bottom. Plunge freely, willingly without a care, and let anger flow free. Fall into it for once, for just one moment, and let a hero’s soul scream its despair at being so good, the paramount spitting image of all that is proper and faultless. Holy crap! Why couldn't I have written that That is so true of both my personal life and my characters. It's just... wow. The story did NOT go down hill from there however; this chapter truely showboated your skill at integrating a variety of of origens and character personalities so seemlesly. _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
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Voyager Class 100 Hero Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 130	Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 7:52 am    Post subject:   Taking into comparison CoH forums, and to some extent my SG forums, praises come easily. And yes, after a year of writing 150 meters, I gathered quite a following of people. The difference being, after Tropic had contacted me to come and post it here at first, that I've met you guys, and none of you are afraid to speak your minds about what was ok or not in a story. This is what I come to find here, what I need to know in order to get better and be, hopefully, satisfied of what it is I am attempting to do. We are rogue writers in a sense, in light of Tropic's recent post concerning fanfic writers, and I love the title. So, Thank You for helping me get better guys. Now, concerning part 13... I wrote it in one flow, took a little more than 4 hours, and then went ahead and posted it on my SG and CoH forums. After rereading myself, it felt alien to me, that new part. Whereas, if you read any of the previos chapter, I had never gone this deep into my subject. My approach was simple though, I sometimes get really annoyed at moving from one mission to the other, all for the glorious XP, a thank you from my contact and maybe a badge here and there. It brought about this idea that heroes would fall at one point, get tired of always doing the right thing. It wasn't new by any means, Voyager is such an exemple and Bear Cat too, and soon Cavalier will fall in that category as well. WHich then brought ont he next question : what would the city do? There you have it. This conspiracy between Crey and the city, I had figured out a long time ago, but never in my wildest dream, did I picture myself writing about it in such a way. "Best piece of crap" Best : because I don't think I will ever top that last chapter. Crap : because I don't think I will ever top that last chapter. Concerning othjer forums, you either get praises or you get silence. Here, we get the bottom line.
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