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Hey Carl!

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fixit God-like Powers Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 605 Location: Utah	Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:54 am    Post subject: Hey Carl!   Did I miss something? I had no idea his name was Carl! Ok, stepping away from the name thing. (which isn't bad, I just realized I never knew) I really like where you seem to be taking this. A simple moment like a birthday among heroes is fun to see. (and he seemed to like the belt best. Not the swankin' trench or the ancient spaulders, go figure) "So I was a little harsh" HAH! The fight scene was clear and read well. Someone ( I think it was D) pointed out to me that throwing a "would" into the middle of a fight scene muddies the tense of your story. Quote: Before any of the strikes could reach his enemy, however, negative energy would leap from his body and deflect them. This is a technical thing, like I said, the action was clear. Loved it. and I don't know if the font was a conscious decision or just the way it posted, but it really gave the story a type writer feel, which I enjoyed. _________________ Consider it fixed!
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RoboZon Man of Steel Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 276 Location: cloud 10 (forget cloud 9 it sucks)	Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 12:17 pm    Post subject:   yes his name is carl.... ive mentioned it, although very briefly, in past stories, but i think i forgot to put a connection from carl to RoboZon in "Falling sky: Endings and Beginings" ... i simply couldnt figure out how to identify him as someone he wouldnt turn into until several years later i like leading up to giant things in the future that no one but me knows about ... and unless they re-read the whole thing once im done... they wont catch it.... it just makes it more real for me oh, and the font.... i always write my stories like that i seem to recall trop saying something about changing what programs he used or some such thing the old one changed the font automatically to Times new Roman.... i guess the new one doesnt for some reason i can read Times New Roman font... but whenever i write in it, it gives me a headache *shrugs* thanks for the comment fixit _________________ "Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can." -bruce lee Eli J. Litzelman aka RoboZon
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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 848 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 5:09 pm    Post subject:   I also liked the opening birthday scene. Makes you think for a brief moment that life for these guys might in some ways be normal. Then we fodn out that is not true, there is nothing sacred and even a birthday can end with someone stabing you in the back with spines and you having to break their neck. What a life Good stuff Robo, keep it coming. _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
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Ockham Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 892 Location: I give a crap!	Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 1:56 pm    Post subject:   I agree with MW, I have never given a thought to birthdays, or at least celebrating them. At least some of our characters are human. I think using 'would' adds a a feeling of past tense. Altering it can add action to the action. I.E. Quote: Before any of the strikes could reach his enemy, tendrils of negative energy pulsed from his body deflecting them. Plus several other arrangements are possible too. Like... Quote: Tendrils of negative energy pulsed from his body deflecting any attempts at landing a blow on his enemy. etc. Hmm... a hood and a trenchcoat? Haven't thought of that combo. I have seen dark energy energy heroes with white falmes aura and their dark shields up. Quite awesome, they actually appear to be a wraith or something. Pretty cool. No not MW's wraith, the actually ghost like definition. Nice story. _________________ Need a break from COH Fan Fiction? Try www.AnthonyHarte.com A Sci-Fi Fantasy Source.
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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 848 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 4:22 pm    Post subject:   There are other types of Wraiths .... what is this blasphemy you speak. _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
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PhoenixHawk Man of Steel Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 442 Location: as if anyone really gives a crap	Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 6:39 pm    Post subject:   Hadn't thought of a hood and trench coat combo? How many times have you teamed with Brain Fried? Never noticed his primary costume, the hooded one, has a trench coat? D (going off to read this now)
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Ockham Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 892 Location: I give a crap!	Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 7:21 pm    Post subject:   It does? He usually runs around in his leather jacket trying to be cool like Citizen Hero. I'll have to check that next time around. _________________ Need a break from COH Fan Fiction? Try www.AnthonyHarte.com A Sci-Fi Fantasy Source.
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PhoenixHawk Man of Steel Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 442 Location: as if anyone really gives a crap	Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:15 pm    Post subject:   Nice job, Robo. I agree with the aforementioned points about the 'would' in question. I also agree with the b-day scene opening, adds some basic humanity to the character. I was a little unclear how Robozon came to have his hands positioned to break HiD's neck, though. Seems as though perhaps Robozon has some Stalker in him. Just another observation. All that said, it worked out well. I liked Ninjado's observation at the end...very in character. D
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RoboZon Man of Steel Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 276 Location: cloud 10 (forget cloud 9 it sucks)	Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 4:49 pm    Post subject:   thanks for the comments to tell the truth... ive never really understood RoboZon's character... i know it sounds funny since i invented him... but hes always been a mystery to me the way he deals with his victimes are more stalker than scr... and his fighting style is way more villain than hero... i suppose this is prolly cause he was trained by villains... and he even was a villain once *ponders future stories... even though he has many many already thought out* thanks once again for the comments more coming soon _________________ "Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can." -bruce lee Eli J. Litzelman aka RoboZon
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