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PhoenixHawk Man of Steel

Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 442 Location: as if anyone really gives a crap
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:43 pm Post subject: Part 2 |
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Now we have Norman and PhoenixHawk (all one word TW!! ) working together!
And I'm gonna go back several months now and agree with Fixit...Don't join the Onami! You'll wind up dead! Then again, TW did say "Oh My God, I'm NEXT!" after TG got injured by Evisceral Shadow. Guess he was right.
As just a minor critique, I'd find different ways to say Volt shifted his being into lightning... using it once is good, but finding different ways to describe using the power draws the reader into it a little more. Maybe something like:
The Dark Lord was yards ahead of Volt. Knowing he would never catch his nemesis on foot, his body shifted into a stream of brightly charged electrons, stretching out in a crackling bolt, solidifying once more into his physical form ten feet in front of the Dark Lord.
Just my suggestion.
D
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TealSwann Bystander
Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Michigan
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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I'm flattered that Volt has taken an interest in Eve. That being said, if it wasn't for the fact that I've been assured that this is not the end of Volt, I would be on here screaming something to the effect of "Oh my god! You killed him! WTH?!?!?!?!"
Excellent job T.W.
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_________________ If you don't come back dirty....you didn't do it right. |
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PhoenixHawk Man of Steel

Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 442 Location: as if anyone really gives a crap
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 1:41 pm Post subject: |
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LOL, that "OMG You killed him!" reaction is pretty much what happens when you off your main.
Hell, when I posted part II of Of Pain and Hate: Best Served Cold I was told I was crazy, I got fired, and put Ock into momentary shock.
And I loved every second of it.
D
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Voltech Class 100 Hero

Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 152 Location: in front of the computer
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 3:34 pm Post subject: |
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As soon as you join the Onami its like signing your experation date. You're gonna die. As soon as D killed PH i thought that was the end of it then he killed TG and I knew where this was all going. I tohught to bring Volt up and up and up and then kill him in the most deameaning way for him possible: losing in a one on one fight.
Do not worry urselves WG. Though the Onami dies we have an odd tendency to come back. 
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_________________ I didn't 'cause I could if i wanted too
~T.H. |
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