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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 3:06 pm    Post subject: Part 1   Don't those crystals suck Hey Sobo, you came out of the comedy genre nicely. I have to admit though I am not a big fan of the present tense. I did not find any flaws in it and that either takes a sharp eye or some good editing. The fight scenes could have used a little more vitality. More adjectives descriptions and what not. Still not bad. _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
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PhoenixHawk Man of Steel Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 442 Location: as if anyone really gives a crap	Posted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 3:35 pm    Post subject:   I, too, would suggest against writing in present tense. This story reads more like game play than any that I've read so far. I'm not saying that's bad, but it's something I've tried to stay away from. When I first wrote my story that got into the comic book, a friend looked over the first draft and pointed out using the names of powers instead of describing what the power did or was didn't flow as well. There's a lot of action in this story, which is good. It moves it along very well. My personal preference would be as MW said and describe the action in a little more detail without using the names of powers. My personal preference would be to stay away from security levels as a major thing. I mentioned them in some early writing and moved away from it as much as possible. Of course, these are all just my opinions. I'm not saying anything was wrong with this story...there is no right or wrong here, except in technical terms of grammer, punctuation, and the like. This story just took a turn from most that I've read. D
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fixit God-like Powers Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 605 Location: Utah	Posted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 5:40 pm    Post subject:   There truly is a fine line to walk when writing about your game experiences. You do want to take some of the game out of the story, simply for good story sake. If you notice, in one of my recent stories, I refer to Fixit as a scrapper class hero. The refrence was used in context with super hero registration, and made sense that way. However, if I just refered to him as a scrapper all the time, it would make less sense. Also, as mentioned above, the use of power names can get confusing. I've been playing the game since day one of its release, but I still havent played many of the power sets, so I don't know what everythign does. I am a huge fan of basing the story off the game, but leave it as a foundation, all the good stuff is what you put on top of it. _________________ Consider it fixed!
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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 832 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 8:16 pm    Post subject:   I have also used a arch type names in my stories as a description but I am not really fond of it. I try to only do it when it truely describes what the character is doing. For instance if I am describing Wraith I could use the word bralwer, scrapper, fighter etc. In this case, scrapper really does describe Wraith. However, calling Myth a defender just seems cheesy because he does nothing to defend anyone. He heals them after they get wounded but that is not a very good defense. _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
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mrguy08 Class 100 Hero Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 223 Location: South Mississippi	Posted: Thu Jun 29, 2006 11:04 am    Post subject:   It's been covered but I was going to comment on game terms too. Security levels are an absolute "don't." If you think about it in game terms there are some threats impossible for certain heroes to face but in a story you might fight Nemesis alone hand to hand. Also, if you include security levels than sidekicking is a chore to explain. Its a bit odd how a lvl 9 hero is as powerful as a lvl 35 just because he's following some guy around. _________________ Example of irony: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia= fear of long words.
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