cohwritersreview Forum Index -> Cyberforce: A Hero's Journey

View previous topic :: View next topic

part 1

Author	Message
RoboZon Man of Steel Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 276 Location: cloud 10 (forget cloud 9 it sucks)	Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 5:30 pm    Post subject: part 1   i like the whole jornal thing it works really well it gives it the feel it wouldnt otherwise have if it was written differently Quote: Certain names have been changed to protect the innocent. The guilty can go to hell. lol i dont really know what it was about that line i had to read it over and over just cause it was funny and it gave some realism to the story again well done _________________ "Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can." -bruce lee Eli J. Litzelman aka RoboZon
Back to top
mrguy08 Class 100 Hero Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 223 Location: South Mississippi	Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 5:38 pm    Post subject:   Even though its not really like me when I saw that neither of the two stories this week were part of the continuing storylines we have going on here, I almost didn't read them. I feel really bad about that after reading this. Well, another story joins the ranks of the excellent first person tales building up on the site. Its really becoming more common among us. This is an amazing story though. For one thing you have what I think is a very realistic take on what some cops would think of heroes in Paragon. Galaxy City is a very good example of this because it is one of the low level areas. You've also got a lot of great monologue in here that actually sounds original. I don't know if you did take inspiration from anything but it really does sound like your creation. _________________ Example of irony: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia= fear of long words.
Back to top
Tib Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 7	Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 3:21 am    Post subject:   Thank you for the terrific comments. I've been writing for over 25 years and in that time I've written in just about every genre under the sun, but there's something about a first-person account that really grabs the reader. Perhaps it's the unfiltered glimpse into the actual thoughts of the protagonist, or perhaps it's because the narrative flows better when an informal voice (like a journal) is used. Either way, I thought it would be a perfect fit for a Hero story told in the Hero's own words. And this will be no normal Hero story. No nicely tied loose ends. No perfectly choreographed fights. No easy decisions. It's going to be as real as I can make it, down to the sound of bullets ricocheting off Cyber's helmet.
Back to top
Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 848 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 11:11 am    Post subject:   Little late here but i havent had a chance to read everything that has been psoted the past couple weeks and decided to go back and track down your story. I am not a big fan of stories written in the first person. I agree, they are fun to write since you're imposing your thought process into the character it almost makes the writing reflexive. But they also present serious difficulties in my opinion. For instance this story was written as journal entries but there were a few instances where what Steve was saying simply did not seem like something that one would put into their journal. Quote: Something is not right about this. If it was just another cancelled purchase why is it classified? A journal is written so that you or someone else can go back and review your past. so why would you tell yourself "Something is not right about this." Rereading the facts and remembering the circumstances would instantly remind you that something was not right. It just does not seemlike something you would tell yourself. I know this may seem very nitpicky, but i am only mentioning it to explain the difficulties of writing first person, not to critisize your work, which was very good by the way. As for the story itself, I loved it. I really apreciated the point of view that Steve took about heroes and how they seem to forget the plights of the average man in their efforts to achieve a "greater good". I have considered the irony of it often when I speed past a woman who is getting mugged by some low level mobs while I'm on my way to pound on some named boss. The forward was memorable and the way you formatted everything and added the intro to the first chapter did help to give it a realistic feel. I hope that more will be posted soon. It may not be written in my favorite view but that doesnt change the fact that it was a damn good story. _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
Back to top
Tropic Site Admin Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 308 Location: Florida	Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:17 pm    Post subject:   As per the Author's instructions a NEW version of part One Chapter One has been posted. Please give it a read! Thanks Tropic
Back to top
Tib Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 7	Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:18 pm    Post subject:   Thanks for the comments and there are more chapters on the way. A word about first person POV: It's true that some of what is written will seem unrealistic and unnessarily "literary", but this story was inspired by the great first person stories of the past like The Invisible Man, where the writing is literary in nature, which was the style back then. As for the journal aspect, I am trying to present Hero-related events from inside the head of someone going through it, which I find fascinating from a psychological point of view -- something I haven't seen since Watchmen. Today, of course, it seems too contrived for the ultra-informal communications of the computer age, but give it some time and I think you'll get used to it. At least, I hope you will. Remember, it's the story of a Hero's journey (in the Classic/literary sense) so it is bound to have some Classic elements to it. Glad you're all liking it so far.
Back to top
Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First

	cohwritersreview Forum Index -> Cyberforce: A Hero's Journey	All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

Jump to: Select a forum ANNOUNCEMENTS----------------What's Happening Now GENERAL DISCUSSION----------------Tips, Tricks and Ideas ART----------------Review Artwork NEW, CONTINUING AND UNFINISHED STORIES----------------150 Meters to the GroundAll Ties SeveredThe Agent, The Rift and The WardrobeAqua AuraAsh & LiesAvenAwakening to a NightmareBattlefieldsBirth of a BeaterBound No MoreCerratedThe Chronicles of Lady Reaver (UNCLASSIFIED)ClarityCoH VigilantesThe Cold NightThe Company of DragonsCompliments of the Purple ChickCrossoverCyberforce: A Hero's JourneyDark FlowerDark OmensDark Twin ChroniclesDarkness AriseA Day in the LifeDead and BuriedThe Dead of NightDemon GunThe Doughnut ShopEqually MatchedEvening Star's BlogEvery Rose Has Its ThornThe Evolution of a HeroFaith, Hope, and a Few Unlikely SuperpowersFalling SkyFather of StormsFighting Crime One Outfit at a TimeFinal BattleFire and ShadowFlareback and FamilyThe Force of Ten SagaFrom Here to Paragon CityFuture TenseHeart of StoneA Hero's HeroA Hero's TearsHidden IntentsHistoricIn Pursuit of EveIntroducing IndigoInvasion: NoirA Journal of a Mysterious RebelJust a DreamJust Another Lone WolfKozmic Kat's & Kozmic Fire's BackgroundThe Kozmic TalesLife of a Hero/VillainA Life UnrelentingMoonwolf: Shadow and CloudThe Mother Red ChroniclesMurderous RageMy Own Little BackwaterNemesisA New LeafNew VoltageNot the VillainAn Oath of Blood and ThunderOf JudasAn Ominous Shadow CastingOmnisourseOrigin: A Horror StoryOrpheus and Eurydice Ver. 2.0.Phoenix BornPieces of EightPower GivenPresumption of HeroismRampager's StoryThe RebirthReflection on ShadowRunawaysSantuarySaving GraceSaving Officer WincottShadow AlliancesShadows of the LeagueThe Shadowyn ChroniclesSilence of the MindThe SleepingSparks FlySpecial EducationThe Spider's LaughStrikerThe Sum of Your PartsTapestryA Tarnished MindTo Kill a GodTo the Victor...Too Close to the SunThe TranscendentTricks That Overcame the CircleUnder the TableUnforeseenVengeance by MoonlightA Walk in the ParkWhat's in a Name?Wilder Than It SeemsWinds of a New BeginningWorlds of ConfusionYoung PhalanxYou're a Hero... COMPLETED STORIES----------------Post your reviewsThe Captain Conduit SagaChildren of MuThe Earth GuardianEmergenceFrom the AshesHardhatsHell Hath No Fury Like MeHeroic History LessonHypertypes Interview #137InterludeKeen InsightLife and Death and the Girl with the ScarfThe ListLove HurtsNot the HeroNot Revenge, A ReckoningThe Obsidian BlightOf Pain and HateQZ-RM1ARecurrence: The Return of the HeroReturn to DarknessRight Time, Wrong PlaceThe RowSiren's is CallingThe Skulls Strike BackStar Trek Saved My Life TonightStatic MarkA Stitch in TimeSupernatural Assault UnitThree Cheers for Sweet RevengeTime Out of MindTitianaTour of DutyTrapped in Dark AstoriaUnder the HoodVillains: A Top Ten ComicVoltechWayward SonWhere Storms BeginWoe's ChildYellowjakket    You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum