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Ockham Freedom Phalanx Founding Member

Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 892 Location: I give a crap!
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:25 pm Post subject: Metaphors |
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Got this from an email. Enjoy:
| Quote: Metaphors
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like
a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a
solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room
temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
having left Cleveland at 6:36
p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed
of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on
a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. |
It's hard to choose a favorite.

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_________________ Need a break from COH Fan Fiction?
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A Sci-Fi Fantasy Source. |
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VuDu DawL Sidekick

Joined: 17 Dec 2007 Posts: 64 Location: State of Confusion
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Tropic Site Admin

Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 308 Location: Florida
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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My fave, I think, is #20.
I hope i'm not Phil!
T
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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member

Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 848 Location: I give a crap too ;) .
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:54 pm Post subject: |
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#10 FTW 
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_________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat
"A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down." |
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VuDu DawL Sidekick

Joined: 17 Dec 2007 Posts: 64 Location: State of Confusion
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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member

Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 848 Location: I give a crap too ;) .
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:32 pm Post subject: |
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I just cant help but wondering if the insperation came from actual experience... with bags of vegetable soup I mean.
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_________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat
"A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down." |
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Tog Class 100 Hero

Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 102 Location: Northern Utah
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 5:38 am Post subject: |
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#9 bugs me as it's a pretty much direct rip-off, err homage, to Hitchhiker's Guide about the Vogon Ships.
I do like #20 on so many levels.
There is one missing. When I originally saw this, years ago, there were only about 12 an one from that list was something like:
"She caught your eye like the hook from a screen door that was slammed a bit too hard."
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_________________ Guide for new players is now (mostly) updated for Issue 12. Link is the website in my profile. |
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RoboZon Man of Steel

Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 276 Location: cloud 10 (forget cloud 9 it sucks)
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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 3:02 pm Post subject: |
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*laughs like a man who died from laughter and went to heaven, but was kicked out because of the noise* 
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_________________ "Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can."
-bruce lee
Eli J. Litzelman aka RoboZon |
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fixit God-like Powers

Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 605 Location: Utah
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Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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hehe...
I never mataphor I didn't like!
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_________________ Consider it fixed! |
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