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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 831 Location: I give a crap too ;) .	Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 6:17 pm    Post subject: Peanut gallery sais,   Quote: the last thing seen is the cyber eye of Dursagon fickering on, contrasting against the color and brilliance of the portal. Wait a sec. I thought THIS was the "final" battle. Well, perhaps the dude is to maimed to actualy fight anymore and the mama robot will turn him into something useful like a toaster Welcome to the WG Ed! We've been seeing quite a few new names lately and thats awsome. About the story. Not bad as best as I can tell. The present tense made it a little hard to follow at times, but thats cool. The fight was pretty descriptive and well paced. There seems to be a rather large back story to all this that we are missing though. Would be kind of cool to hear about all that in future submissions. The end when her family was wating for her kind of lost its emotional power becuase we had no idea who they all were. I look forward to hearing more about Flare and hopefuly you will tell us why Greg is walking around in dead peoples heads saying he was "the First One". _________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat "A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down."
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Guest	Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:09 pm    Post subject: Final Battle?   Thanks for the comments. I know I have issues with present tense, and I'll be ironing them out so that they stay in the past. Thanks for the invite! I've seen a few stories on here and when I found that my story was going to be posted, I was in shock. I didn't think I was quite good enough to be posted. Much thanks to the editor for the confidence. The fight I was worried about pace a description but if I nailed both issues, I'm having a party! Back Story? OH YEAH! There's a back story all right.... This is suppose to be the final chapter to a story line about the characters. A small blurb about them goes like this; Flare was the eldest of 5 siblings. Her planet hates "mutated" beings. Soldiers come lead by Dursagon to perma-jail them. Flare's parents die in the battle. Things get out of hand, a 6 yr old cousin is injured badly, Flare explodes, lots of soliers die, Dursagon gets severely injured and left for dead. Flare and siblings escape planet, leave cousin behind. Meanwhile, Dursagon was a "mutated" as well but dormant. Injuries sustained in battle cause power over technology to manifest and Dursagon absorbs all tech around him at the battle scene but he's in a coma. Dursagon is tried as a 'mutate' and is transferred to a prison hospital. He wakes months later confused. He was told about everything that happened and what charges were made against him and he flips out and kills everything in the hospital. Then he tracks cousin down and keeps an eye on her. She grows up, gets her own powers but leaves to find Flare before anyone knows of her powers. This alerts Dursagon who is waiting nearby in space. Cousin and Dursagon make their way to earth and find the rest of the family. That's when all heck breaks loose. Dursagon and Flare with everyone else involved battle many times. Other things happen, then we come to the final battle. Boy, that's alot to say in one breath! Oh yeah. Greg is a mystery that is not totally explained but somethings are hinted at. And was Flare in her head, or was she in another plane of existance where there was a disembodied voice? And was that disembodied voice Greg or something else? Questions, questions. If this sub-plot doesn't work, I can wipe it out. Just trying to keep a minor mystery going with it.
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