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Part 2

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Part 2
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PhoenixHawk
Man of Steel


Joined: 26 Apr 2006
Posts: 442
Location: as if anyone really gives a crap

PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:43 pm    Post subject: Part 2 Reply with quote
 
Now we have Norman and PhoenixHawk (all one word TW!! Wink Laughing ) working together!

And I'm gonna go back several months now and agree with Fixit...Don't join the Onami! You'll wind up dead! Then again, TW did say "Oh My God, I'm NEXT!" after TG got injured by Evisceral Shadow. Guess he was right.

As just a minor critique, I'd find different ways to say Volt shifted his being into lightning... using it once is good, but finding different ways to describe using the power draws the reader into it a little more. Maybe something like:

The Dark Lord was yards ahead of Volt. Knowing he would never catch his nemesis on foot, his body shifted into a stream of brightly charged electrons, stretching out in a crackling bolt, solidifying once more into his physical form ten feet in front of the Dark Lord.

Just my suggestion.

D

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TealSwann
Bystander


Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 23
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 12:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
 
I'm flattered that Volt has taken an interest in Eve. That being said, if it wasn't for the fact that I've been assured that this is not the end of Volt, I would be on here screaming something to the effect of "Oh my god! You killed him! WTH?!?!?!?!"

Excellent job T.W.


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PhoenixHawk
Man of Steel


Joined: 26 Apr 2006
Posts: 442
Location: as if anyone really gives a crap

PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 1:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
 
LOL, that "OMG You killed him!" reaction is pretty much what happens when you off your main.

Hell, when I posted part II of Of Pain and Hate: Best Served Cold I was told I was crazy, I got fired, and put Ock into momentary shock.

And I loved every second of it. Twisted Evil

D

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Voltech
Class 100 Hero


Joined: 26 Apr 2006
Posts: 152
Location: in front of the computer

PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 3:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
 
As soon as you join the Onami its like signing your experation date. You're gonna die. As soon as D killed PH i thought that was the end of it then he killed TG and I knew where this was all going. I tohught to bring Volt up and up and up and then kill him in the most deameaning way for him possible: losing in a one on one fight.

Do not worry urselves WG. Though the Onami dies we have an odd tendency to come back. Twisted Evil


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