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Ockham Freedom Phalanx Founding Member

Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 925 Location: I give a crap!
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Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 4:19 pm Post subject: Part 2 |
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Heh, News Flash kicks ass!
He is... the One!

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Spectreblade Class 100 Hero

Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 120 Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 8:28 pm Post subject: |
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So how'd I do this time? Was I faithful to the characters I borrowed for this? Well, soon Armorbound will have to fight someone other than innocent girls for a change. Soon, it will be over...
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_________________ It is a mistake to fancy that horror is associated inextricably with darkness, silence, and solitude. I found it in the glare of midafternoon, in the clangour of a metropolis... |
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Ockham Freedom Phalanx Founding Member

Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 925 Location: I give a crap!
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Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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I think News Flash was portayed very neutrally, which is okay. No real drinking problem,yet. But PhoenixHawk is still alive.
I think you have done fine.

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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member

Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 880 Location: I give a crap too ;) .
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Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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Ahhh, so this is the guy who AS'd me the other day in Bloody Bay. Not a bad story at all man. I thought the beginning felt a bit rushed though. The introduction of all the characters seemed like it was written more as a formality than a true introduction. I know it gets tedious for me to have to do a description or give a back story, with every story I write, for the same characters, over and over again. It does however make for good story telling (in my personal opinion). This is an area I probably need to work on a little myself since I had someone make the comment that it is sometimes hard to keep Myth and Wraith separate in my stories. I want that to a certain degree since they’re twins but not so much that it confuses people.
I guess what I am really trying to say is that no matter how well known a character is to us regular readers, character description and development is always important.
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_________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat
"A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down." |
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fixit God-like Powers

Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 605 Location: Utah
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Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 6:14 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with Myth about the importance of re-introducing characters. (I am EXTREMELY guilty of neglecting this) I think you've done a good job of keeping it fresh enough for me at least.
I'm not familiar enough to give a good telling on how well portrayed everyone's character is, but the relationships seemed to flow very naturally.
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_________________ Consider it fixed! |
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Myths n' Wraiths Freedom Phalanx Founding Member

Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 880 Location: I give a crap too ;) .
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Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 8:22 pm Post subject: |
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Well it is not so much that I thought Spectre did a bad job of describing them, quite the contrary. I got a very good idea of what everyone looked like; it just seemed rushed or forced. This is of course a very easy trap to fall into since, as you mentioned Fixit, alot of people don't even bother to take time to describe their characters anew with the begining of each story.
One of the main reasons I bring this up is becuase I myself am guilty of it apperantly. Voltech commented how he had always imagined Wraith as a big guy. Well Wraith and Myth are both average hight but well built young men. My bad.
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_________________ Murphey's Laws of Combat
"A sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down." |
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mrguy08 Class 100 Hero
Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 223 Location: South Mississippi
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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Once again another story that makes me wish I played enough to justify having a character in Onami Strike Force.
I don't know what the problem is but I have'nt been able to access the forums in a while and this is the first time I've been able to review anything since.
Anyway, since you've talked about Armorbound before I was wondering how his character would turn out here and this is pretty good, legitimately creepy evil kind of guy.
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_________________ Example of irony:
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia= fear of long words. |
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fixit God-like Powers

Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 605 Location: Utah
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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We've missed you Mr. welcome back.
I agree with the Armorbound comment. He's turning out better than I would have imagined.
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_________________ Consider it fixed! |
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Voltech Class 100 Hero

Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 157 Location: in front of the computer
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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yeah Spectre!
i see u didnt turn me into a transvestite waitress or whatever u said, and stayed true to the sarcastic nature of me. referring to the introduction, i have been doing background stories since forever so i know how much of a pain it is to type something about a toon over and over and over.
Armourbound needs a good zapping, like the one i gave him when Wrayth. took revenge on his ASer. (didnt expect me to be invis above, u did u? )
all and all i liked it, and am anxious for part 3
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_________________ "If your not prepared to look stupid, then no one will take you seriously."
~T.H.
"'If your gonna die; die quietly.'"
~Volt (in newest story) |
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